Whether you are noticing a fear of separation in your child or just want to be prepared for it, we are here to help. No matter how exciting starting school can be, it can be filled with anxiety. And that is normal! 

Separation anxiety at school is a natural response that impacts both children and parents. Learning how to handle these emotions is key to having a smooth and positive start to their childcare experience.

What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is not a diagnosis. It is more commonly something that appears in young children as a stage of life. Simply put, separation anxiety describes the feeling of nervousness or distress that arises when separated from a loved one. 

Around seven months of age, infants develop a sense of object permanence. This means that they begin to understand that their parents still exist even when not in sight. By 18 months, young toddlers start to become more aware of their parent’s absence and may wonder where they are and why they’ve left. This awareness can trigger separation anxiety.

To help children cope with their separation anxiety, we have outlined a few tips for parents and teachers to use to help calm a child’s separation anxiety. 

Separation Anxiety Tips for Parents

Remember, separation anxiety is completely normal for any child. Many children experience a time of separation anxiety even through elementary school, some even longer. Overcoming this can take time and patience. 

When a child’s symptoms of separation anxiety disorder occur, don’t overreact. Remind yourself that in their early years of age, a short period of intense separation anxiety is normal.

While a positive classroom environment can provide comfort, there are also some strategies at home to help them have a smooth transition. 

Inform Staff in Advance

Before your child starts school, look for symptoms of separation anxiety disorder in your children. If it seems likely, reach out to the teachers beforehand to ensure a smooth transition. Our staff at Lighthouse School are well prepared even if these emotions come up for the first time on the first day.

Create a Routine

A child with separation anxiety might be scared of changes and feel uneasy. A regular routine can help because it makes things predictable. Try to include a few consistent parts in your child’s morning routine, like eating the same breakfast, listening to a favorite song on the way to school, or doing a special handshake at drop-off.

Remain Positive and Upbeat

It can be so hard to see your child distressed. Remember that being separated from you and attending school is beneficial for their development and independence, so there’s no need to feel guilty!

It is essential to maintain a happy and excited attitude while saying goodbye. If your child is crying or yelling, stay calm and use soothing words instead of reacting emotionally. When your child is upset, try using comforting words to calm them down instead of getting upset yourself. Your emotional reaction could make them feel even more upset.

​​Avoid Introducing Reasons to Worry

When discussing the first day of school, pay attention to how you talk to your child. Comments that imply going to preschool is brave or asking if they’re scared or worried can make separating from you seem like a big deal. Instead, frame preschool as a normal activity that many families do every day.

Make a Proper Exit

It can be so hard leaving your child for the first time. When it’s time to say goodbye, avoid lingering or sneaking out. Create a goodbye routine, like a hug or a special handshake, and then leave. This helps your child understand that goodbye means goodbye and reassures them that you will return to pick them up later.

Don’t stay too long. Your child may need more time to calm down after you go. If they cry to keep you there, they might learn that this behavior can stop you from leaving. Conversely, sneaking out when they aren’t looking can damage their trust and potentially increase their separation anxiety.

How Teachers Can Help Preschoolers and Separation Anxiety 

Preschoolers with separation anxiety may exhibit behaviors similar to toddlers, such as crying, clinging to family members, and throwing tantrums. Other signs might include relapsing in potty training and other skills, refusing to take naps, or throwing tantrums.

1. Create a Calming Environment 

Set up a calming area equipped with coloring pages, crayons, paper, envelopes, play dough, and stuffed animals alongside the activity centers in your preschool. Invite children to create drawings, make sculptures, or write letters (with the teacher’s help) to give to their parents at the end of the day.

This creative outlet can help soothe their anxiety and provide a comforting connection to their family while they are at preschool.

2. Keep a Schedule

Teaching the children your preschool’s daily schedule helps them feel more secure. Post a visual schedule in your classroom where they can easily see it, and associate an image with each activity so they can understand the order of events.

Talk to parents or the person taking care of the children about when they will pick them up. Use the daily schedule to help the children understand when their parents will arrive. For instance, if a parent plans to pick up their child at 12:30 pm, show the schedule to the child. Explain that their parents will come after lunch but before nap time.

3. Recognize Anxiety Feelings

Explain to your class what anxiety is and how it feels. Let them know it’s normal to feel separation anxiety in new or scary situations. Talk about common signs like an upset stomach or a racing heart. Encourage them to notice when they feel anxious. If these feelings are too strong for too long, it might be helpful to talk to the child’s parents about getting extra support, like cognitive behavioral therapy.

4. Read Books Separation 

There are many children’s books that can help teach them about separation anxiety. Some examples include:

• The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
• Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney

5. Assign Each Child a Special Role

Assigning children responsibilities is beneficial for their overall development and can also soothe their anxiety by providing a different focus for the day. Give each child in the classroom a specific job or task to encourage accountability and build a sense of belonging within the group. These tasks may involve distributing materials, selecting a storybook for reading time, or erasing the board.

Helping Children Overcome Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety affects each child differently and can show up in various mental health symptoms. Parents or primary caregivers and teachers play a key role in helping children develop coping skills when they experience separation anxiety. Being prepared ensures each child has the best possible start to the school year.

It you want to learn more about starting school or how to help your little one with separation anxiety, reach out to us at Lighthouse School in Willis TX. We would love to help you have the best possible start to the school year!